


Flowers on her dress

by GeekLibrarian



Series: Flowers [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Sad Memories, kids running with blades (don't let your kids do this)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6837379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekLibrarian/pseuds/GeekLibrarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven years have gone by...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flowers on her dress

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Anhyrenkai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anhyrenkai/gifts).



> This is the epilogue to the Flowers Series, so I highly suggest for you to read that before this one. Though not extremely necesary, it’ll give you background on the whys.

First thing you heard when you started to wake up, was the unmistakable sound of giggles and whispers coming from the hallway. The other side of your queen bed was empty and cold, revealing that your husband had woken up long ago. The giggles continued and now there was shushing and, soon, silence again.

You carefully opened one eye and peeked outside the bed to look at the alarm clock. Almost 11am already. _Damn,_ you thought, _I need to get that chapter delivered tonight_. And so, you started to sit up, still wondering what all the whispering and giggles were about.

“No, momma!” you heard from the door, and when you look, your four year old daughter was standing there with a mug, grabbing it so hard her knuckles were white “You’re supposed to stay in bed!” And she kicked the floor hard and pouted.

“Okay, okay!” you laughed, her expression so heart melting you didn’t have the heart to tell her otherwise. “But, may I ask why?”

“Because today is an important day, Daddy say!” She answered cheerfully, walking slowly with the mug until she was next to you, offering it.

“Really?” you asked grabbing the cup, a little perplexed “Why?”

“Today’s the day you moved next door.” Said Castiel walking in with a soft smile, and carrying the little breakfast tray.

“The what?” you inquired with a smile, sitting up straight.

“Seven years ago, you moved into this house. And I hated it…” he laughed “Actually I hated it next day… at around eight in the morning.”

“Oh, I get it” you said in a fake angry voice “Let’s celebrate ‘I-hate-momma-day’ from now on. Anything you want to say to me, honey?”

He just laughed and sat next to you, looking straight through your soul with his bright cobalt eyes, and that expression that always made you melt into the ground, or his arms. _His arms are a way better place to melt_ you thought and let yourself fall into his lap.

“Seven years already?” you asked with a smile.

“Seven wonderful years.”

“Seven amazing years” you emphasized.

“But I’m only four!” Hannah stated, and both of you started to laugh.

“Ohhh but you’re not the center of the universe young lady!” you mocked, trying to catch her from your position.

“Oh, yes I am! Daddy said so!” she laughed.

“That was a secret!” Cas said, and stood up and started chasing her around the room while she squeaked and laughed.

Sitting on the bed on your pajamas, your hair a mess and the sun bathing you through the curtains, you felt like home, and happy.

\-------------------------------------------

“I hate you!” you shouted at the screen, crossing your arms over your chest and laying back on your chair, still cursing under your breath.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked, peeking in through the door.

“This damn chapter!” you shouted again, pointing at the screen, and looking for something not too heavy to toss at it. Finally you found a napkin, squeezed it into a ball and threw it against the flat display. “It won’t work!”

“Maybe you need a break?” he ventured “you’ve been at it for almost four hours. You need to rest. Go feed Merlin?”

You sighed, both angry and anxious, not looking at him.

“I need to send this _tonight,_ Cas, or they won’t publish.”

He finally came into your study, bending down to hug you from behind, so that his mouth was right by your ear.

“You’ll make it, I know it. You just need to clear your mind.”

“You’re right… I think I need a coffee…”

“Sounds like a great idea… why don’t we go out?”

“Nah, just… just a coffee in the porch, watching Hannah play.” You mumbled, looking out the window and seeing her right there in the yard, sitting with a can filled with seeds, feeding your rooster.

The sun outside was high in the sky, and the air was warm and sweet. Castiel was inside preparing the coffee and your little girl was still sitting in the ground, laughing happily every time one of the chickens took a seed out of her fingers. She was wearing a light blue dress with purple and lilac flowers, and she looked, to you, like a little angel.

“Can I go fix my flowers, momma?” she asked suddenly, turning around.

You and Cas had set up a tiny piece of garden next to the fence that separated your house from the one that was now Sam and Jess’s, so she could raise her own flowerbed.

“Of course you can, sweety, don’t forget to put on the gloves.” You answered, and watched her go.

“We should call Dean and Lisa.” You said when Castiel sat on the chair right beside you. “Have dinner or something.”

“Are you getting all mushy on me?” a voice on your left said, and you turned around to see your best friend walking into your garden.

“Oh, I totally take it back! So rude, coming without an invitation!” you laughed, jumping to your feet to hug him.

“I just smelled the coffee from down the street.”

“Well, you’re out of luck” Castiel answered with a smile “’Cause I’ve made it.”

“Oh, too bad, I’ll have to take a beer then.” And he walked inside.

“You called him?” you asked to Cas, smiling and grabbing his hand.

“He always makes you laugh. And you, laughing, is the best thing ever.”

“Oh shut up!” you laughed.

“Y/N!” Dean shouted from inside the house “Where’s the pie?”

“We don’t have any, you moron!” you answered without even getting up.

“Unbelievable!” you heard him exclaim and laughed.

“Momma, daddy!” Hannah ran towards the two of you holding something tightly in her hand. “Look what I found!”

“I that a knife?!” you shouted, jumping to your feet and running towards her. “Oh god, darling, NEVER run with sharp tools! You know better than this!”

You took the old rusted blade away from her and gave it to Castiel, who had run right after you and was now looking the scene wordlessly.

“Cas?” you asked, when he didn’t grab it. “Are you okay?”

“Fine. Yes. I’m… I’m going to go get some pie.”

“Cas?” you said again, but he was walking towards the house at a quick pace.

“What’s wrong with daddy, momma?” Hannah asked.

“I’m sure it’s nothing. Come, you wouldn’t guess who’s in the kitchen!”

“Uncle Dean!” she squealed, and ran to the door, already oblivious of the entire scene that had just happened.

By the time you walked in the kitchen, Dean was already on the floor, your daughter all over him, tickling him and laughing. But the moment you stepped in, he stood up.

“What happened?” he asked, concern all over his factions.

“I’m not sure. Where’d he go?”

“Upstairs.”

“Okay… would you look after her?”

“Sure… wait, what’s that?” Dean had just spotted the knife.

“Hanna found this on the backyard.” You showed it to him, and the man sighed and closed his eyes.

“I haven’t had seen that in ages… That knife belonged to Meg.”

“Oh.”

\----------------------------

You slightly knocked the door of your bedroom, waiting for him to acknowledge your presence. Castiel was sitting on the edge of your bed, his head resting on his hands, his elbows buried in his thighs.

He stood like that for almost a minute before he pulled up his head and looked at you, and you saw that he had been crying.

Without any word, you dropped the blade on a table and ran, kneeling in front of him and holding him tight as he started to shake again. More minutes went by, but you didn’t care. All you wanted was for him to get it all out of his chest.

“That was her gardening knife” he said weakly “Meg called it the Demon Knife, because she used it to cut the bad weeds and marram-grass roots.”

You smiled. “It’s a pretty accurate name. Maybe we could clean it up? Put it in the mantel piece upon the fireplace?”

“I don’t know…” he murmured, and buried his face in your shoulder. “Maybe if she had had it with her at the time…” his fingers clasped around your waist, and your heart broke a little, not really knowing what to do to relieve him from the suffering.

“I’m sorry” he moaned, eventually.

“You don’t have to be sorry, hon.”

“But I am. I don’t want to put you through all this, it shouldn’t be your burden.”

“Castiel.” You said in a steady voice, and he looked at you, broken “You are my HUSBAND. All your burdens are mine too now, just like mine are yours. I don’t get to choose the happy version of you, I get to choose you whole, or nothing at all, and guess what I chose?”

He almost smiled.

But his eyes went straight to the floor again.

“I feel guilty, Y/N.” he said suddenly.

“Why?”

“Because… Because sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve to be this happy with you, while she’s… dead. And… and because… Because if she weren’t dead then I wouldn’t be with you and I can’t stand the thought.”

“I she weren’t…” you hesitated, and didn’t say the word “you wouldn’t need me. Because with her is the happiest happy you’d ever be.”

You stood up from the floor and sat next to him in the bed, holding his hands, rubbing them, not daring to look into his eyes.

“Sometimes I feel guilty too, Cas. Every time she comes up in conversation, actually. And for that same reason.” You inhaled deeply, pushing the tears back down your throat. “But we can’t live in the ‘what ifs’, this is our life, and this is how it’s come to be. We can only hope she’s somewhere up there looking down and being happy for you.”

His hands softly pushed your face so your eyes would meet his, and there it was again. The look that you wanted to live in forever.

“Thank you.” He said simply, and finally the tears began to fall down your cheeks.

\----------------------------

“Look, sweety!” you exclaimed that night, showing Hannah the cleaned knife. “We’re going to put your discovery over the fireplace, and we’re going to tell you the story of it.”

“Story, yay!” Hannah jumped up and down, in her sunflower pajamas.

“Didn’t you have a chapter to finish?” Castiel asked, with half a smile.

“I can send it tomorrow, and if they don’t publish because I was one day late, then someone else can have it.” You answered, and he smiled with proud.

“First of all, you should know it has a name.” Castiel began, placing the kinfe carefully in the middle of the shelf, right between a picture of your wedding and the first photo of Hannah.

“A name? Knives can have names?” she asked, already interested.

“Only the very special ones. And this one… this is one of those.” You said, sitting next to her in the couch and cuddling her in a hug.”

Castiel took a breath and looked at you in the eyes, and then began:

“It belong to a beautiful and smart lady called Meg…”


End file.
